Separation Anxiety
As a parent/caregiver I think every one of us has witnessed separation anxiety in our children. From meltdowns when we leave for work, or rough drop offs at the grandparents house, this can be a tough stage for us and our kids! In this blog post we want to share a few tips for helping ease your child’s separation anxiety.
What is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a completely normal stage of development for a child that usually (but not always) occurs from 8-14 months. They are beginning to recognize when their parents are gone which makes them feel threatened and unsafe. Children with separation anxiety might cry or cling to their parents or caregivers when being separated from them.
How to help your child overcome separation anxiety:
1. Prepare Ahead of Time
A big part of separation anxiety in children is fear of the unknown. Whenever it is possible taking time to discuss with your kids before a change in routine, no matter how little they are, is a great way to prepare them for change and ease their little minds. Talking about changes in the routine, like a new nanny joining the family or being dropped off at the grandparents for the weekend, prepares your child in advance to know what is coming and helps them feel safe when their routine changes.
2. Follow Through/Keep Promises
Do what you say you will do. This may sound simple but this is one of the best ways you can help your child with separation anxiety! As much as you can, follow through with what you tell your child to be able to build that trust that you as a parent/caregiver will always come back. Even if it makes saying goodbye more difficult, don't sneak away while your child is distracted. To build trust it is essential for them to be aware that they can rely on you to say goodbye and return later.
3. Goodbye Rituals.
Developing a goodbye ritual helps your child with their anxiety and getting used to transitions away from you. Keep goodbyes short, sweet and consistent, and never leave without saying goodbye. Even though it may be easier to not witness a breakdown, sneaking away makes your child worry and diminishes that trust they feel that you will return. Whatever your goodbye routine may be, whether it is a hug, a kiss, or just a reminder that you will be back after work or after you run errands etc., it will help them build their trust in you and their independence. Lastly, as much as you possibly can, keep the goodbyes light hearted and relaxed. Your child can sense your feelings and will know if you are tensing up for a breakdown from them and that may make them feel that you are leaving them in an unsafe environment.
4. Something from Home
Another way to help with the goodbye transition is to bring something meaningful from home. Especially if you are dropping a child off at daycare/grandparents house/school etc. giving your child an object from home such as a favorite toy or even a photograph of the family can help them remain calm. This object can connect them to family and home and continue to remind them throughout the day that they are safe even in a new place.
5. Practice Being Apart
Even when you are at home you can practice being apart from your child. Going into to the other room and saying you will be be right back helps to reinforce that you will always come back. Schedule playdates with other kids or allow family and friends to take care of your child, even for just a little bit, to get used to being away from you. If it is possible start with smaller increments of separation and slowly increase the time to make those longer days apart easier!
6. Validate Feelings
As parents/caregivers separation anxiety can be frustrating it can be easy to lose patience with our kiddos when we are just trying to get to work and move along with our days. But, having patience and validating your child's feelings is one of the best ways to help your child overcome their fears! Reminding them that they are so loved and instilling confidence and bravery that they can do this is such a positive way to teach them that they can be ok without you.
7. When to Ask for Help
There are times when separation anxiety persists and you may need to seek help from your pediatrician. If your preschool or school age child seems to still be struggling from separation anxiety or if it begins to develop and persists through times of change it is important to help your child overcome their anxiety. You can utilize some of the tips we shared above but in some cases your pediatrician may suggest anti-anxiety medication, suggestions for techniques to help your child and/or counseling for you or your child.
Separation Anxiety happens! It is a normal part of your child’s development but, we hope these tips help you and your child overcome this tough season together. Do you have any other ways that help your child with separation anxiety? Dm us on Instagram; we would love to hear them!
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